There are shadows that
are more significant than
what they are cast by.
An Essay by Tamas Revbiro
Now I'm trying it again.
She was bound to die.
She was bound to die for the sake of those who lived in the days that have passed since her death as I have. For the sake of those who felt the same while watching the pictures of the funeral, listening to Verdi's Requiem, Elton John's song and Saint Paul's words as I felt. For the sake of the lad in the uniform of the royal guard who tried to quell his tears while raising the coffin to his shoulders, and for the sake of those tens of thousands who waited in the park for hours and muttered the Lord's Prayer together with the archbishop on the giant screen.
She was bound to die, and we all knew that. Not because of the enormous voracity of the public, as her brother said in his blind rage on the first day. And not because of the fact that in her innocence and natural candor she was not able to defend herself. No she died for us; playing the part unknowingly and unwillingly.
I did not and do not feel guilty. I don't feel and I think those millions gathered at the funeral didn't feel it either that I chased her to death. I rather felt that somebody's fate had been fulfilled.
It is a disappointing, yet inevitable fact that man's fate can only be fulfilled by dying. But this particular death is exceptional. It is unique. It is extraordinary.
And not because it was the death of an extraordinary person. It is unique because with this death a new quality was born. We cannot yet know if it is ephemeral or long lasting, but these days at the end of the summer made an astonishing impact on mankind.
She was a helpless stray lamb. In her television interview some two years ago, the adjective she most frequently used for herself was "daunted". She was bound to die in order to avoid causing severe harm to herself, to her family, to her country.
However, she did sacrifice in unknowingly and unwillingly. And not only for AIDS patients, lepers, or land mine victims. She sacrificed it for all those who take the slight risk of thinking things over.
This is how she became larger than life. In her life, she was hardly more than any movie star or supermodel. She had to die in order to raise the same feeling in so many people, so that this feeling would bring them together at a place on Earth, so that they cloud cry the tears they didn't cry for their own lives. In the Western world, it is a rare occasion to be able to cry real tears. In a world where Pepsi feeling is the standard, one can only afford crying when a close friend or relative is lost.
She came closer to all those who mourned her openly. She grew up. In her death she called for and received an answer from God living in people. Her death made people come closer to each other, consequently come closer to God.
But she had to die to accomplish this.
Man is trying to create a river bed for the unexpected deluge of emotions. He is trying to discharge it by using all kinds of symbols: bringing bouquets of flowers, standing in line for half a day to sign a book of condolences, giving names to towns. Otherwise his old way of life would not be sustainable any more; snarling could not go on.
It is hard to tolerate being close to God. But there is only one reason for this. We are not used to it.
"Not the individual royal families disappeared, but the royal man; not the high clergy and nobility died out; they just withdrew and gave up their places. And most probably they did not do it out of weakness, but out of reason and prudence. They withdrew because mankind fell victim to a mysterious epidemic and became unworthy of their presence, undeserving to be consecrated by their rule."
Compared to those "dubious, suspicious characters", she represented a new and different quality. She did not know it and she did not want it, but now it is beyond any doubt that she was suitable for it. This is what she was suitable for.
Now the lesson is obvious for everyone: each and every one of us can decide what we do with the experience of these days at the end of the summer.